Half Hearted Attempts at Realism

I have a lot of things whirring around my brain.

School is starting to be a very big deal. This is the real thing, the real stuff starts now. And I kind of expect my life to start changing in the next few weeks. I keep telling myself I’m ready I’m ready but i can only hope that’s true, and that I have the what I need to make it so. I just wish the days could be longer. I need time, focus, and god give me tolerance for the people I’ve been grouped with. Of all the students in my cohort, I had to be grouped with the one whose personality just rubs me the wrong way. But I want to try hard to find things about this person to like; I want to be a more accepting person.

Every day makes me more grateful for the wonderful man in my life, and everything we have together. Every day makes me more sure that yes, my future is his future and vice versa and more and more I am ready for this certainty that I’m starting to accept as fact. Because it’s not just about us beinginlove quite the same way anymore, it’s more about us getting by because of each other, sometimes in spite of each other. But also because he is my best friend, and he is the only only only thing in my life that has never for a moment been a question, or a challenge, or a heartache. For two years he’s been by my side through everything, and now it’s hard to think of anything I wouldn’t want him to be with me for, even or especially the times that are hard. I love his heart and his brain and his everything. Not the idea of him like it might have been two Februaries ago, but the real, every-day most true truenesses of himself that make him the great, imperfect masterpiece of a person, friend and lover he is. It’s amazing (but not a surprise) how much more my city feels like home now that we live in it together. Anywhere we’re together, no matter what I feel like, hearing his heartbeat brings me back to earth, and just our two bodies together makes a home.

And hey, the making out and such pretty is nice too.