February 2012
2 posts
Today my boyfriend told me he would never own a long-haired dog and I got really mad.
But he’s making me dinner now so I guess its ok.
last night jake and I made dinner with my friend James and his roommate, and it was so delicious and we ate every last noodle and drank wine and beer and talked and talked sometimes all together, sometimes two and two, and James showed me his many beautiful coins that he earned for doing good things in the war (and killing people) and he told is funny stories about living in a barracks and Joe and...
January 2012
26 posts
I have a lot of things whirring around my brain.
School is starting to be a very big deal. This is the real thing, the real stuff starts now. And I kind of expect my life to start changing in the next few weeks. I keep telling myself I’m ready I’m ready but i can only hope that’s true, and that I have the what I need to make it so. I just wish the days could be longer. I need...
Another nice thing is tiny silvery snowflakes swirling around in the sunshine
one of the best things is talking to a person I barely know for hours and hours walking around the city not paying any attention to my surroundings or the hour of night and getting into silly arguments an caring less somehow that he didn’t believe in love than that he didn’t believe in movies worth watching, and being so cold and tired, with no money for dinner but no real need, and...
Where do I want to live next year
Who do I want to be with
Who am I going to be
Will who I am be enough
for me, for everyone else, for my career
Why do I isolate myself when I’m lonely
How do I know whats right
or when, or how, and what is enough anyway
people are too hard
alone is too hard
School is too hard
boredom is the worst
Make me do something. Make me do something right....
Decision:
I have no reason to be awake for the rest of today. And tomorrow isn’t looking too promising either.
And yet the consequences of napping are too great.
I really want to feel better.
I should not have napped today. Not being able to fall asleep at night makes me miss Jake, and wish he was curled up with me. Waking up unrested will make the workday drag on, which will make me wish I had him to hug when I got home. Being cranky and overtired by the end of tomorrow means I will miss him more than ever. And I probably still won’t know when I’ll see him next, but...
Things I could do today since work was cancelled:
Sit in bed watching movies and shows all day long.
Read the second half of The Fellowship of the Ring.
Go to the post office in Fields Corner to send my Aunt in Germany a CD and return my heels that don’t fit (cry).
Finish the plans for Jake’s treasure hunt on our 2nd anniversary.
Housework (ha)
I’ think I choose all the options that don’t require effort, or getting...
two stores that sell nursing shoes in Boston
both 50 minuets away by train and by foot
in opposite directions
fuuuuuuuck
Already up to an approximate $690 in textbooks this semester.
Not to mention the uniform I have not finished paying for, which will probably total around $160
Working every day for half of my winter break earns me a whopping $350.
Wahoo.
ME AND JAKE
ALONE IN MY APARTMENT FOR A WHOLE DAY (AND NIGHT LETS FACE IT FOLKS)
WITH ALL OF THAT TIME ONLY FOR OURSELVES
AND ALL THE FOOD IN OUR KITCHEN WHICH I DID NOT HAVE TO PAY FOR
AND ALL THE EPISODES OF BUFFY WE COULD EVER NEED
I THINK I AM GOING TO EXPLODE WITH JOY SOMEONE HELP ME
I have only three days left to be totally unencumbered by responsibility,
Yet it is an early 9:30 pm, and all I want is dreamless sleep until Sunday.
What am I thinking. What is going on. What is uncertainty.
Alone time with my cat, my laptop and my melancholy.
It’s gonna be a great night.
why do attractive and well dressed girls intimidate me so much
if you are another female who is more physically attractive than me I will immediately feel unworthy of your time and presence, and that of everyone else present, because clearly it is only you who should be showered with attention and friendship. And there is also a good chance a will be a small amount afraid of you.
I don’t...
I AM WATCHING A ROMANTIC COMEDY WHICH WILL PROBABLY SUCK AND I DONT EVEN CARE.
My stepfather (ish) is yelling at someone on the phone, calling them a liar.
I think I’ll stay up here in my room forever.
Jake is moving to Boston. For certain, from now on no more waiting, or missing or being alone. The future and all of it’s possibilities and good and bad, and hard semesters and easy summers and life and everything, everything will be okay because we’ll be together.
We’ll be together for my toughest semester yet, probably both of ours, and we’ll be together when spring...
December 2011
14 posts
If it’s possible to have to most romantic night of your life while incapable of holding food down, with a fever that must have been 110 degrees, and with a splitting headache and horrible cramps, then last night was the most romantic night of my life.
It didn’t really matter how bad I felt (except for the part where I couldn’t eat), because there was a beautiful dinner and...
that excited feeling of anticipation for the future and for all the wonder and unknowns I have yet to face and all the mixed fear and love and hope and curiosity all jumbled in my tummy
or maybe I’m still a little nauseous and delirious from yesterday who can say
geometricity:
facing an uncomfortable moral obligation to reconnect with particular parts of my life that i never wanted to acknowledge again.
sigh.
If you mean school work,
(you probably don’t)
then I know what you mean.
I miss the days when I would get Christmas money and say “wow! I could buy anything right now!”
Because right now, I’m looking at my $275 of Christmas gift money and the images going through my head are not shopping sprees for cute undies, shoes, or clothing, not concert or movie tickets, or date nights.
I’m thinking: Text books, uniform for clinicals, subway pass,...
My boyfriends mom is so nice to me. It makes me feel like a good person.
It’s nice to be wanted, cared for and loved by a whole second family.
Which is a phrase I have not yet used or thought of, but I suppose in a way Jakes family is my second family.
That makes me feel very loved.
Merry Christmas, right? This is going to be the best holiday in a long time.
I would %100 prefer to be making Christmas presents over sitting here trying to philosophize and defend my philosophical views of which I have very few solid ones.
I am never taking a philosophy class again.
My father is rolling over in his grave.
which is a very weird and unpleasant saying.
When it’s one of those days where every sound grates your nerves, and everyone is too close, or too far away, and nothing sounds like fun, and even sex is an inconvienence to your miserable laziness, when your sweater’s to tight, too hot, too rough, without it you’ll freeze and socks just don’t cut it, and when going out is a hassle, and staying home makes you sick, and...
haha. I guess I’m a college student now, gettin into bars and getting pretty near drunk on a friday night
however, i feel like a moron. If tipsy is this stupid i really dont ever want to be drunk.
but why can’t I just own all the pretty dresses in the world?
pieces, distraction, etc.: Quit my job... →
casimirpulaskiday:
Quit my job volunteering at the retirement home. It was making me too sad; I had begun to dread it. There were times when I really enjoyed it, but it killed me to see so many people unhappy in one place. One of the residents told me that “nothing [was] interesting anymore”. One of them started…
I have been volunteering at a nursing home since I was 14, and I know...
November 2011
28 posts
geometricity:
i’m about ready to crumple into a paper ball and be thrown in the trash can
today’s one of those days when you find out the foreseeable future isn’t going to be the way you thought it was.
today’s one of those days where I really wish I could just live alone, so that no one could bother me, and so I would not have to love anybody and would therefore not have to miss anybody.
Sometimes life is too much. More than anything I’d like to take a day off from school this week, just to be alone and get important things done.
I’d like to sit on my floor, listen to Cat Stevens, and make Christmas gifts for my friends. I’d like to write letters to some important people who need letters to read. I’d like to do some research on a few topics, for my own...
The holiday spirit is getting to me.
I feel love for everyone I come across; at school, the grocery store, on the street.
I even shared my delicious dinner with the roommate I don’t get along so well with.
And I’m really happy to be going home tomorrow….
…and I don’t even care much for the actual holiday.
Yoga classes are kicking my ass.
Should they be I don’t know but I feel like all my muscles have been used in ways they should not be and everything hurts.
However, I am someones yoga buddy, and that feels really good.